This will be one of those posts I print out and hope Mae keeps tucked away forever. I can’t convey with adequate words what an honor and privilege it is for me to share a small piece of our birth mom with you.
When we adopted Mae six years ago, I’m not sure any of us knew what to expect. We just knew that we clicked. In a hopelessly awkward situation where lifelong decisions were being made based on small talk and premonitions, we all found a strange peace that led us to today.
I’ve coined it “lucky” before but really, it’s pure “blessed.” The open adoption we have with Mae’s birth mom has been nothing shy of a gift from Heaven. She’s part of our family. While it looks differently from other families, even fellow adoptive families, it’s our story. And it’s beautiful.
When we talk about adoption, a voice is often missing from the conversation. The voice of the birth mom. How did she choose adoption? Does she regret it? Is she happy with her decision? These are questions I’ve thought, but never dared to ask. That is until I realized I’m likely not alone in my wondering. I think many birth moms and adoptive moms out there secretly ponder the same things. So, I decided to ask her to blog. She gracefully didn’t hesitate to say yes.
It’s with extreme gratitude and love that I share this special person with you who willingly and bravely agreed to do this. She is my hero and at the top of my list of what makes me grateful. By sharing her view I pray others facing unplanned pregnancy will see the HOPE that adoption can bring. I pray others considering adoption will give open adoption a chance.
I pray that my daughter grows up to not only feel loved, but to see there’s been a very special plan for her life all along, and it began with this woman right here.
Our Birth Mom’s Thoughts About Open Adoption
- When you considered adoption options, did you know you wanted it to be an open adoption situation?
Yes, and although it wasn’t necessarily a criteria in my ultimate decision on who would make best prospective parents for Mae, it definitely played a role in some of that decision I feel.
- What has been a benefit of having an open adoption?
There are so many!! One major one is seeing the great & positive impact and benefit on Mae’s life, her families, as well as my own life in that such a decision has made!!
- Is there anything that makes open adoption hard?
I feel like there are far more positives but sometimes I do miss moments I will never have like periods of her growth such as her firsts in school, holidays, first friends, etc.
- Has anything about open adoption surprised you?
Not really other than maybe a little on how well it could go!!
- Our families get together, but we also both have boundaries. What helped you set the boundaries you need for us to all be in touch?
I realized how important it was for her parents Danielle and Mike to be able to raise her without interference from me and I have a great respect and admiration for the two of them for doing such a heroic, helping, loving, and amazingly kind thing!!
- We are connected on Instagram – what’s that been like for you to connect on social media? Any thoughts on birth moms and birth families using social media to communicate?
It has been a very good experience to connect through social media I feel. I have over all the years that we’ve been connected been sure to keep my account free of any negativity or possibly offensive material such as humor w/ cuss words or anything that may be seemingly not appropriate to the Christian life they live and lead! That also includes my censoring who I allow myself to follow! I basically started out my insta just for the special connection we have!!My thoughts for other birth parents or families would just be to suggest a respectful, clean, account that you connect through!!
- If other moms out there are considering adoption for their children, any advice to them?
I would just suggest really thinking hard about what the future looks like whether you keep them vs. give them a new home and family. Think about the pros and cons!!
- What’s made you want to be open and public about your story and our adoption?
One is so that others can see the beauty and the hope in such a decision and its outcome!!
- If other families out there are considering adopting a child, would you recommend an open adoption?
- What are a few things you hope for our daughter’s future?
That she is able to accomplish her goals and dreams whatever they may be!
That she finds happiness and peace of mind in this life!!
That she can hopefully avoid some possible hardships and traumas that can hold one back!!
That she is able to build and keep a strong relationship with God!!