The words were about to roll off the keyboard like drizzling butter over freshly popped popcorn when I stopped myself.
No - the days of basking in scanxiety were over.
Instead of writing about the trauma and pain of cancer, or the nervousness about my upcoming scans, I felt an invisible nudge to focus on the hope. There was no reason to fear my yearly colonoscopy.
After the most difficult year of my life emotionally, I'd learned to acknowledge the pain yet not get trapped in it.
Yes, the "what if's" of a potential bad outcome appeared. Memories of when a less-than-ideal circumstance awaited me on the other side of anesthesia gave reason for my thoughts. But they were simply just that - thoughts.
So I captured them and moved on.
Instead of thinking about the potential negatives, I thought about the positives.
Visits with my GI doctor and his team who, in many ways, still viewed me as a 17-year-old colon cancer fighter.
The warm blanket I'd cover up with before being wheeled into the exam room.
The blueberry scone I'd order from Starbucks on the way home from the procedure.
The anticipated bear hug I'd give my daughter when she got home from school.
Sometimes the anxiety seems inevitable - especially when it comes to post-cancer scans. But a focus on healing and intentional new mindsets wiped out my reasons to fear.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7