danielle-mountain-overlookEach year Mother’s Day can bring a mix of emotions in all of us. For years this sweet holiday intended for good brought difficult feelings for me. I couldn’t look to the past, present or future without pain. The blessing of adoption brought a joyful child into my life, but what I’ve learned (especially this weekend) is that even as a mother — gut-wrenching hardships occur. Whether you’re grieving what’s behind you, struggling with what’s in front of you, or paralyzed by what’s absent from your future plans — you’re not alone. I wrote this post for you, for me, and anyone else who may struggle with this day. It’s not easy, but if you let yourself go “down to the river,” you’ll find the Giver of Life waiting and wanting to celebrate with you . – DB

 

Making Peace with Eve

A day of pain for so many years

Poked at buried agony and grief

Sorrow cast upon gifts of life

Their recognition and celebration – a thief

 

Like a splinter the angst appeared small at the surface

But the wedge sat lodged within deep

Heart broken into too many pieces to count

Soul was no one’s to keep

 

A river of sadness filled by escaping tears

Was all I could see thanks to loss

Secretly hoping it would wipe all of Eden

Heartbeat comes at such a high cost

 

Blessings and favor slowed the current down

I was entrusted with another breath of life

From another’s body a soul put under my care

Overshadowing my once-felt strife

 

I worked hard to tell stories of righteousness

Show how to live freely and with a pure heart

While ideal in theory, practice became hard

Once again I felt torn apart

 

As much as I shared, hoped and prayed

No choice did I have in reception

Brokenness shadowed tries to teach

Frustration leaked stings of deception

 

I sat once again watching the river of sadness

Rush in new and old waves of pain

Despising Eve for what she’d done to the world

I angrily pointed the blame

 

It didn’t come through an earthquake or cloud

New thoughts brought the change inside me

I thought about the River of Life

Dwelled on love that parted the sea

 

I pushed past grief, sorrow and pain

Timidly and tiredly walked to the quiet shore

Gently flowing waves of grace lured me in

Cool breezy mist made me yearn for more

 

Its nurturing calmness kept me still

Soothing deep wounds hiding out in my soul

The life-giving stream made just for Eden

Showed forgiveness of man made it whole

 

This River ran parallel to my river of sadness

My choice became which one to see

Stay stuck in the muck mourning my ongoing pain

Or finally make peace with Eve

 

I chose to dive into the River of Life

Let go of loss, sin and shame identifying me

Honor the celebration and true Giver of Life

So on a once painful day – I’d live free