Isn't it funny how when we're younger, time can't go any slower?
Mae's birthday is in two months, but September cannot come fast enough. She updates her birthday list each day and mentions it at least once. I, on the other hand, was up until midnight the other night looking at mermaid theme parties on Pinterest, rapidly trying to get a plan together.
It's not really my thing, but she's requested it so this Mama's going to attempt to make it happen.
Sitting comfortably into my 33rd year of life, I feel like I'm riding a rocket ship most days, and time doesn't want to slow down. It could be partly because I'm planning already for March 2018 at work. And I am still in denial that I just enrolled my daughter for 1st grade earlier this week.
How is she almost 7 years old!?
While a transition of the perceived speed of time has come with age, and I'd honestly rather have childhood's view of it back, another transition that's come with getting older is very welcomed.
It's the transition of perspective regarding what other people think, also called fear of man. I've stepped up into the security and confidence that come from a rooted identity in Christ. It helps me disregard the fear of other's opinions (most of the time - I am still human). I've given myself permission to like things that are simply just "me," and to find my own styles and tastes. Case in point:
I made jam this week to relax. With such a passion for women's empowerment and leadership, never did I think I'd pick up a "stereotypical" old-school cooking and baking hobby, but I absolutely love it. (And so did my household because this stuff rocked!)
I celebrated National Hot Dog Day with my team. Sure, hot dogs and chips aren't the healthiest option on the menu and I can't eat them a lot, but I love them. So I eat them once in awhile and it brought simple joy to my day.
I bought a skirt from Wal-Mart. It was not expensive and it's comfortable. It's nice and cool for the summertime heat. And frankly, I don't care where it came from - it's perfect for me. Now THAT is freedom talk right there.
Part of me wishes this growth would have happened sooner, I wonder what a 16-year-old me with this confidence would have been like. But for the most part, I've accepted it as my life's path, and the journey many of us go down in our own way and timeline.
I also want to be open with the struggle it is to stay in this place. Each time I open my computer to write or do something that could be unpopular or full of tension, the fear of man rears its head again. But the grounding in truth and love of Jesus brings me back. This is a routine I practice mindfully each day, without it I'd be back at age 16.
To find acceptance of myself is a golden nugget that's appeared in my 30s.
Which is really timely, considering I've got a 7-year-old's mermaid birthday party to pull off in two months.