The one she said people needed. The one she said people were asking about. The one she said would help. The one she said she couldn't do, but the one she knew I could. I like to think that deep down, she knew I eventually would.
This is the post I've been scared to write.
This is the post for Belle. The one that stops running from the fact that suffering doesn't just hurt us physically. Or emotionally. Or mentally.
This is the post that admits that all suffering hits us spiritually. It hits so hard that we don't know what to do. It rocks our faith. It shakes us to the core.
This is the post that says there's no escaping it. We must face God when we suffer.
This is the post that acknowledges that some people get it right away. They lift their hands in praise and pray to God for relief. They feel God is near. They know peace. No matter the outcome, they're okay with it because it's in God's hands.
This is the post that acknowledges that some people aren't like that. Instead, they get mad. Out of brokenness, fingers quickly point and blame. When diets, genetics, lifestyles and ignorance don't hold, God stands next in line. It becomes His fault. And walls go up:
Why? How could He? It's so unfair. What a liar. He said He was good. He can't be trusted. He's not worthy. Nobody is worthy. Nobody understands.
This is the post that says those walls are real. I know from first-hand experience. And unfortunately, they grow rather study. They'll stand the test of time, and like any well-made heirloom, they will get passed down. That is unless we let an unraveling begin.
This is the post that I can finally write, even though Belle passed away months ago.
It's the one that says yes, life's not fair and it doesn't make sense. For any of us. This is the post that agrees that suffering is painful and that survivorship is confusing, heart-wrenching, devastating and soul stinging.
But this is also the post that testifies that even in the darkness and brokenness, and even with sky-high walls of grievances against Him, God is good. This is the post that says there is hope. This is the post that says keep going.
Keep venting. Keep crying. Keep anguishing. Keep grieving. Keep praying. Keep talking. Keep hugging. Keep longing. Keep asking. Keep humbling. Keep seeking.
This is the post Belle asked me to write.