This will be a post I hope Mae keeps tucked away forever. I can't convey with adequate words what an honor and privilege it is for me to share a small piece of our birth mom with you.
From the night we first met our birth mom to today, a peace has followed us. Her strength is what helped our 3-week adoption story go so quickly! We "clicked" and knew from the night we met, we were a great match for one another. She's one of my heroes and an incredibly special person in my life.
By sharing her story as a birth mother, I pray others facing unplanned pregnancy will see the HOPE adoption can bring, and those considering adoption will keep it open.
Birth mom's story
Our birth mom is nothing shy of a gift from Heaven. She's part of our family. While our relationship may look different compared to other families, even others with open adoption stories, it's our story. And it's beautiful.
An important voice
When we talk about adoption, a voice is often missing from the conversation. The voice of the birth mom.
- How did she choose adoption?
- Does she regret it?
- Is she happy with her decision?
These are questions I've thought when it comes to our adoption story, but questions I never dared to ask - that is until today. I realized I can't be the only adoptive mom who wonders these things. I decided to ask our birth mom to help me with this blog, and if she minded that I ask her a few questions. She gracefully said, without hesitation, yes!
Our Birth Mother on Open Adoption
Whether you're a birth mom, adoptive parent or adoptee, I pray you're blessed by our birth moms transparency and courageous example!
Q. When you considered adoption options, did you know you wanted it to be an open adoption situation?
Yes, and although it wasn't necessarily a criteria in my ultimate decision on who would make best adoptive parents for Mae, it definitely played a role in some of that decision I feel.
Q. What has been a benefit of having an open adoption?
There are so many!! One major one is seeing the great & positive impact and benefit on Mae's life, her families, as well as my own life in that such a decision has made!!
Q. Is there anything that makes open adoption hard?
I feel like there are far more positives but sometimes I do miss moments I will never have like periods of her growth such as her firsts in school, holidays, first friends, etc.
Q. Has anything about open adoption surprised you?
Not really other than maybe a little on how well it could go!!
Q. Our families get together, but we also both have boundaries. What helped you set the boundaries you need for us to all be in touch?
I realized how important it was for her parents Danielle and Mike to be able to raise her without interference from me and I have a great respect and admiration for the two of them for doing such a heroic, helping, loving, and amazingly kind thing!!
Q. We are connected on Instagram - what's that been like for you to connect on social media? Any thoughts on birth moms and birth families using social media to communicate?
It has been a very good experience to connect through social media I feel. I have over all the years that we've been connected been sure to keep my account free of any negativity or possibly offensive material such as humor w/ cuss words or anything that may be seemingly not appropriate to the Christian life they live and lead! That also includes my censoring who I allow myself to follow! I basically started out my instagram just for the special connection we have!! My thoughts for other birth parents or families would just be to suggest a respectful, clean, account that you connect through!!
Q. If other moms out there are considering adoption for their children, any advice to them?
I would just suggest really thinking hard about what the future looks like whether you keep them vs. give them a new home and family. Think about the pros and cons!!
Q. What's made you want to be open and public about your story and our adoption?
One is so that others can see the beauty and the hope in such a decision and its outcome!!
Q. If other families out there are considering adopting a child, would you recommend an open adoption?
Q. What are a few things you hope for our daughter's future?
That she is able to accomplish her goals and dreams whatever they may be!
That she finds happiness and peace of mind in this life!!
That she can hopefully avoid some possible hardships and traumas that can hold one back!!
That she is able to build and keep a strong relationship with God!
Danielle blogs about cancer survivorship, communications and faith. Subscribe to her weekly devotional in the Monday Morning Survival Guide so you don't miss anything she has to say!